i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
