So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
