I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
