you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize