I am in a vortex of obligation.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
