It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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