I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
