He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize