you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
