I just saw a hot homeless man
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize