I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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