I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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