Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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