Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
