She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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