Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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