first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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