I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
