If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
