i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
