I'm drive I can fine osifer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
