so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
