She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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