while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
