A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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