My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize