Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
