I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize