3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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