My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
