There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
