im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
