Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
