Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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