it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
