exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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