Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize