Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
