You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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