I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
