I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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