The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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