You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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