Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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