Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize