what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize