alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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