did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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