I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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