You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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