I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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