Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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