does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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