Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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