This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
