I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
