THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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