Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
