$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
