Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
