Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize