no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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