grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
