i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
