My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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