can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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