The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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