How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
