Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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