I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize