Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
