Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
