How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love you. Go after that dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
