i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
