Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
