what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
