i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
