I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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