ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
