Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He has the fingertips of a God
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