She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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