"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize