Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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