I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
