she was so not down for the gang bang
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ladies don't puke and tell
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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