just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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