I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
