so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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