I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Crop dusting thru forever 21
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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