let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
