I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
