Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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