so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize