Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize