There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
