clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
