This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
