Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
