Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
