My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
