that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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