He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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