Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
