Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
