you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dignity is for republicans.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
