hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
