It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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